In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
