It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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