apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So. Much. Porn.
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