nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
