Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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