dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
