No awkward lesbian experiences without me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
