I hate all girls vehemently.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
