I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
