i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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