I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
