Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
