Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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