I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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