so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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