Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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