I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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