I wanna bring you to show and tell
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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