Got a toothbrush?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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