BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
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If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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