Can i not drive my cunt home
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
