You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
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