At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
