Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
