I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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