First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize