At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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