Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize