At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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