Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
