all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
