I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
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