my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
