We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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