PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
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But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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