my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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