He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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