so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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