he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
