You're completely useless in the revolution.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
