Can i not drive my cunt home
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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