I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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