I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
