I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
