me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
MIDGETS
????
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
