I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
