Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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