dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
