i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
