Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
