My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
