so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
