Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
