There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
