she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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