Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
