He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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