So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
