remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
