Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Too much gin, very little bucket
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
