I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
