I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
