he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
