im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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