i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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