I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
