my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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