I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
