the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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