U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
