I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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