I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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