i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
